Wherein C.F.Barrón does his thing...

So, In My Defense...

Writing is hard. It's a lot harder when you're going through the worst slump in recent memory and you've got no one and nothing to hold you accountable for your word minimums.

"Where are my stories?" I hear you asking.

Yeah... about that. I'm working on them, but they don't come to me as easily anymore. I've learned this last year that writing has an interesting effect on me, and that effect is entirely contextual.  I used to write therapeutically. It was the easiest way to process what I was going through, and to make sense of the shit that happened to me. If I'm not using it as a means of reflection, it actually takes a lot out of me. So much so that I find myself having less and less energy to do it.

"But if it's your passion, you would find a way. "

First of all, it's A passion of mine. Not my only one. Second of all, it doesn't nourish me so much as provide a release for when I'm thinking too much.

"This is because you spend all your time painting nowadays, isn't it?"

Yeah...about that. I've been in a slump there too. Sure, I've handled a few commission pieces in the last month or so, and I've been bartering with the skill lately (build me X and I'll paint Y), but Kubla Con is this weekend, and I don't like my chances.  By this time last year, I had six potential entries with a seventh one almost finished. As of this moment, I have three incomplete pieces, none of which I would enter if the competition was tomorrow. In truth, painting has been a source of frustration for me as I feel like I've plateaued while the painters around me continue to grow and evolve.

So where does that leave me?

To put it bluntly, up shit creek without a paddle. I have to get my hands dirty and slog on through until the going gets easier. It's not all bad though. I do have a few projects that I at least want to spend more time on, namely streaming my painting, tutorials, and now that I'm in a D&D game again the chronicling of said campaign.

So, I'm officially throwing in the towel on my Hamilton challenge. And hoping to push through this block by indulging myself and writing for its own sake and not to complete something or tell a story, but because I kinda want to now.

With that, I think I'll just share a list of quotes and words that I like. Some are original, most not. You'll probably learn a thing or two about me in the process of reading them, but they're in no particular order.

-The way I see it, everyone was given one miracle...

-You are a human, blossoming into something luminous and significant.

-And it's breathtaking, really, the way the world fades from your peripherals and is gradually replaced by a person

-Sometimes, love isn't magic. Sometimes it's just melting.

-I don't understand how you can be the worst thing to happen to my writing- when you're the best that's ever happened to me.

-If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it.

-You said you'd always be there for me...

-We were together. I forget the rest.

-When he came to me in the bar, among all his dark thoughts, I glimpsed one bright spot. One beautiful thing he held onto, even at the end... you.

-So, do you like stale cheese?

-Today, I repay my debt

-"How is it that all save you have lost their art?" asked the boy. "Because I seek nothing beyond my art." said the wizard.

-There are men who bloom in chaos. You call them heroes or villains, depending on which side wins the war, but until the battle call they are but normal men who long for action, who lust for the opportunity to throw off the routine of their normal lives like a cocoon and come into their own. They sense a destiny larger than themselves, but only when structures collapse around them do these men become warriors.

-The pulp hero, though he may be a renegade, is a guy who doesn't feel. Anything. Ever. And for the adolescent male — pummeled by emotions left and right, whether arising from sexuality or resulting from his necessary encounters with authority — this hero is a blessing, a relief and a release. The world he lives in, where feelings are totally under control, looks to the adolescent boy like heaven! This hero's lack of feeling — like Star Trek's Spock — is what allows him to be a genius, or allows him to shoot the bad guys and/or aliens, without a quiver to his lip.

-Heroism is not quite so dramatic as we all would hope. No, it is unremarkable in its simplicity. Heroism does not apply to one with the desire to outshine the world at whatever cost, but to one with the unrestrained urge to serve the world, at whatever cost.

-Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

-Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight.

-It doesn’t matter what the press says. It doesn’t matter what the politicians or the mobs say. It doesn’t matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. Republics are founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe in. no matter the odds or consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move. Your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the whole world: “No, you move.”

-every single problem on this earth can be solved through the careful application of high grade explosives

-nothing fruits my loops more than hearing men admit to questioning their sexuality

-this is your life, and it is ending one second at a time

-the mark of family isn't one of blood, but of joy and respect in each other's lives; rarely are members of the same family born into the same house.

- The purpose of a dream isn't for it to come true. Its most important purpose is to get us in touch with where dreams come from, where passion comes from, where happiness comes from. Even a shattered dream can do that for you.

-Because when our colors mixed/we couldn't fix the way they wouldn't blend.

-We talk about friends as if they're found on every corner, but the older I get, the more I realize how rare a thing a friend really is.

-You want to know the difference between a slot machine and a shitty relationship? The slot machine eventually pays out.

- They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. What they don't tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.

-oh, you don't need to take my picture, just look up handsome in the dictionary.

-I promise you love, crowned with loyalty and wrapped in friendship. And with this ring, I now pledge my life to you.

-I wanted to become a man whose back would never break.

-And a lean, silent figure slowly fades into the gathering darkness, aware at last that in this world, with great power there must also come–great responsibility!

-she never liked the idea of forfeiting her loneliness

-"But Mom wasn't a god." "No, she was better."

Hmm, can't think of any more quotes per se, but there's probably a handful of songs I would add to this at the moment. Anyway, this has been a fun distraction from my painting and the stories I'm supposed to be working on. Hope you all got something out of it. Even if that something was just proof that I'm a nerd.

-C